EVERY airport is currently holding a competition to find the most obnoxious bastard in the world, it has emerged.
Airports across the globe all now have their contenders for the Most Obnoxious Bastard You Could Ever Hope to Encounter 2017, with the finals taking place at Heathrow on December 24.
Scottish contender Bill McKay said: “I have a very important meeting tomorrow morning so if everyone could just accept that my needs are greater than theirs than that would be just fucking peachy.”
English airport prick Martin Bishop said: “I could have you fired for this, you know. I could.
“I once played badminton with the guy who runs Ryanair so all it would take is one phone call and you’re gone.”
Meanwhile American Emma Bradford exclaimed loudly into her phone: “No, it’s an absolute fucking joke and all these people are total fucking morons.
“Give me coffee immediately, even if your job does not involve vending hot drinks.”